103 rd – Earn, not command Respect

Respect is earned over time, while most people commands it. 

Like a merit, it takes a person long, often painful, and  hard work, to establish credibility in any field of endeavor. This rule goes beyond protocols, not just table manners. 

If one aspires to be a leader, a parent, a coach, a counselor, then be prepared to be challenged for your credibility. And often, credibility and respect goes hand in hand. 

You cannot earn the respect of your people and peers if you don’t have credibility. You can’t have credibility if you have not earned the respect of your peers or people. Both are simply must haves in any situation.

Often, getting a point across in fewer words would be the wiser choice. And today I want to do such. It makes the meal more palatable. The reading more enjoyable. And certainly the message more tenable. 

Comments most welcome!

103rd

In the company of your betters, be not longer in eating than they are; lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table.

104th – Manners Matter – act with honor

This quote somehow captures my imagination and to some degree puts into context what honor, manner and grace ought to be exercised and practiced. More of my thoughts as I digest and let this idea simmer in my heart.

I remember being scolded many times in my younger days whenever meal time is served and pieces of rice starts to fly off my plates. I resent how my strict grandma used to discipline me. But now that I have kids of my own, I tend to do the same (subconsciously). Small etiquette, but big is impact to how we approach life in general.

To me, if a person is a slob in the dining table, for sure he will also be a slob in his dealings, be it work, relationships, life pursuits and all. On the contrary if a person is graceful, considerate, well mannered, you can be certain he/she would be of the same in how he/she approached life.

Seeds of honor and grace, cultivated daily, will one day bear fruits of joy, serenity, calm and peace in a man’s heart.

“Only act with honorable people. You can trust them, and they you. Their honor is the best surety of their behavior even in misunderstandings, for they always act according to their character. Hence, it is better to have a dispute with an honorable person than to have a victory over dishonorable ones. You cannot deal well with the ruined, for they have no hostages for rectitude. With them there is no true friendship, and their agreements are not binding, however stringent they appear, because they have no feelings of honor. Never have anything to do with such people, for it honor does not restrain them, virtue will not, since honor is the throne of rectitude.” -Baltasar Gracian

104th

It belongs to the chiefest in company to unfold his napkin and fall to meat first, but he ought then to begin in time & to dispatch with dexterity that the slowest may have time allowed him.

107th – LISTEN, NOT JUST HEAR

“Rule 107th: If others talk at the table be attentive, but talk not with Meat in your Mouth”.

A very basic and fundamental way to conduct oneself on any given setting. More importantly, the ability to simply lend a full ear is a trait that is becoming jurassic as is with basic speech.

What with the advent of techie gears, which counterintuitely supposed to make our human experience, well, more human.

I am again guilty of this. 

That is why my fundamental rule of thumb when were together as family is to “Yes to Talk and No to Tech”. 

It is simply distasteful to see people together in a lunch or dinner table but see them tinker more with their smart thingy than strike a good conversation..

Believe in Goethe when he said ” Conversation, a good one, is the most sublime of all human experience”.

Let it be so.

105th – Humor’s a Feast!

A good humor always breaks the ice! And if it is an iceberg that is out there, a superb joke can certainly shatter the cold spell into oblivion.

In this context, GW talks about manners in a dining table. And we often wonder how is it sitting in a dining room full of brash, harsh and ill mannered men in those days. Im sure no one wants to join a crowd where animosity and indifference reign.

The amazing thing is even after 250 years since inception, this rule still reverberates to our modern times. With the explosion of social media these days, a good humor (verbal), punchline and all has been replaced by ‘updates, tweets, trending’ and the like. Sad but man’s physical presence in a conversation is slowly being replaced by our cyber presence, well at least in a society characterized by the influx of modern communication gadgets.

Are we losing our touch? Are we becoming a slave to tech? Are we consciously or unconsciously insulating ourselves from the very people whom we ought to interact? As ‘iron sharpens iron’, so does ‘man sharpens man’.

What I intend to apply after reading this is to try to mingle as often, text less frequent, and speak to a stranger to even further my humanity. I hope you do too!

105th

Be not angry at the table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast’

106th – Know your Place under the Sun

The context of this rule is on sensitizing protocol!

Nowadays, people don’t seem to practice this fundamental but vital rule of etiquette. And living in a country other than my own, I often admire how many different races take this to heart.

For instance, Caucasians often mind this structure. Sadly Asians in most cases, struggle in getting this behavior embedded into their daily routine. Call it culture, or otherwise, but I think this practice is rooted into how our families are designed in the early days. Specifically in meal tables.  

The question is – why the fuss? Well in my own opinion, it all boils down to RESPECT. And respect has to do with virtue. Virtues that often are seen by a person thru his/her parents, grandparents and relatives.  Which is rooted to our hidden admiration for gentlemen and women of substance and grace. Classic example of such is royalty. 

But I am puzzled as to why most folks find this difficult to uphold, especially as this is seemingly a simple yet powerful behavior to conduct oneself in public. Call it grooming, mold, upbringing. But at the end of the day, parents plays the biggest role model and influence to kids. 

As a cliche puts it – children often will pay attention to what parents do, not what parents say. Tall order? Yes, but if we want to cultivate a society full of grace, good manners and right conduct, we must model the way. And the best part? Start at our very home..

106th

Set not yourself at the upper of the table; but if it be your due or that the master of the house will have it so, contend not, least you should trouble the company”.

Day 5 training

Squeezed early morning bike ride today. But simply covered 20km. So much domestic chores waiting.

Pace is good. For the longest time I could feel my sweet dripping my forehead again. Its liberating!

Meanwhile my bike gear needs a makeover too! Its nearing 4 years since I had it set up for triathlon. The bike computer is intermittent. Saddle feels steely (ouch!). But the mechanical fixtures are all in superb condition!

Nonetheless with golf taking a back seat until Rorys able to hold a club, triathlon is here to stay…

Day 2, 3 and 4

After the bike ride on sunday, my weekdays havent been as productive.

So what I ended up doing is to hit the gym after office hours instead.

Managed to hit tuesday, wednesday and thursday. But sadly the gym is under repair. So I have to make do with what is available.

2015 ancestral house

Its time.

For the longest time Ive had to delay the ancestral house renovation. Many events both personal and professional have take precedent. Thus the delay.

I promised myself that I have to have a major investment or purchase decision executed.

First 3 years, I bought my house, in cash. 2nd 3 years I bought my car. And the 3rd 3 years I bought an apartment.

So far so good. Or so I thought. In parallel I Invested .5M pesos also in the purchase of land and construction gear for set up of a business.But business was not meant to be. Learned valuable lesson though.

And since its ancestral I have to commission the aid of my younger siblings to pitch in. After all with ageing parents, the home shall be a place for reunions and family gatherings. 

108th – Honoring God and our parents (brothers/sisters)

“108th When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously & with reverence. Honor & obey your natural parents although they be poor.”

Webster defined “Honor” as giving high esteem for a persons worth. Words such as merit, rank also comes into play.

I am guilty of this. I mean, at times I treat God as if He’s just an ordinary being. Likened to an ATM machine (sorry for the analogy Lord but just making a point), if you need cash, go to a nearby kiosk and boom, out the cash goes. Is it because of the way God is portrayed in many christian circles, that He is your personal savior, personal coach even…( to a certain extent). The word “personal” I believe has been somehow contextualized in a different light. Wish every lay preacher of the word, in whatever denomination, could render and shed more light into this notion.

In the same manner, isnt it any wonder why GW put honoring God alongside honoring our parents? In my two cents opinion, these are of equal weight. In scripture, it is again written in 1 John 4:20 ” Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen”.

Ouch! Context wise, I believe the words ring very true to the nature of how we ought to give respect, and most importantly love, where it is due – first to our parents, then naturally transcending to honoring, and respecting/loving God in return.

My parting shot is simply,  are we honoring our parents in the same way we honor God? Better yet, are we honoring our brothers and sisters too as we honor our parents? The best part? Are we honoring ONE ANOTHER in the same way we honor our relatives? How beautiful a world it would be if such a virtuous behavior be practiced and put to heart regularly.

If not, life is too short not to take the first of many steps now.  

Gentlemans Game

I found this interesting article on Golf Digest. Put my own words and interpretation notwithstanding. (with courtesy to the author of course).

1. Make the tee time. (like life, getting on time is vital, be it in business, in our personal lives etc)
2. Look your best.(like life, we should get out of bed looking our best to present ourselves daily, neat and tidy has more advantages)
3. Speed up. (speeding is relative, but being on time not only impacts your game but others as well)
4. Play as it lies. (like life, pick up or pass up an opportunity as it comes along. Those who maximize opportunity wins while those who pass up loses)
5. Keep calm and golf. (like life, level headedness goes a long way)
6. A good sport. (like life, being gracious in defeat and humble in victory is the mark of a true gentleman)
7. Course care. (like life, a gentleman leaves a place better than when he founds it)
8. Silence is golden. (gentlemen are brief.)
9. Be alert. (like life, alertness denotes being ‘in the zone’. So like life, walk with heads up and ears open)
10. Safety. (its always a good practice to keep this in mind. No one wants to live in an unsecured and unsafe environment).